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Let's talk with puppy dog eyes a little more. This post can go on forever.
For the record, I will be talking about myself and my current lifestyle as a whole. There are several other bloggers out there that also seem to take their time to have longer or more thorough discussions of their views than I ever hope to accomplish.
I've been asked a few times on facebook what it is like living as a single mother. What it's like to not have the money to spend on all of these expensive toys that people think are important to have to impress people. What it's like to still be a high school student despite a full time job.
Basically, what's it like to be an individual living on your own in a city that isn't San Francisco, and in a household with an income of $100/month.
Well, there isn't a whole lot to say.
My life pretty much consists of going to work and coming home. I sometimes go out with friends and friends' families. I go to parties and have dinner with my family and friends. I go out with my boyfriend. That's about it.
There is a lot of nothingness. I don't think that I would change much, but if I had a couple million dollars I might start living a little differently. I might start going out to get drinks more often, not just once in a while.
I've found that I really love reading blogs. Some people only write once in a while. Some people are always updating their blogs. Some people write a few times a week. I'm in the last category.
In general, I do enjoy writing blogs. I've recently started having a lot of inspiration in my writing. My writing seems to flow better when I'm happy or something is affecting me that way.
There's something about the blogosphere that intrigues me. The people I write about. The things I write about. How I write about it. It's all so engaging to me.
I suppose I should find other things to write about. I have so many friends. I haven't blogged about them in a while. My life. My family. My relationships. The things that affect me and how I feel.
Tuesday, April 26, 2008
I'm really starting to dislike the "I'm so depressed!" people. It really makes me sad that people are going to have that negative thought process when they write it, but there are so many sad blogs out there now. There are just so many sad people who have so many good reasons to be sad.
I think that there are many places and times in one's life that can create sadness. I don't think it's ever good to make fun of someone for feeling sad or for writing a sad blog.
I mean, there's nothing really that you can say to comfort them except that you feel their same way and hopefully, you can at least validate their feelings.
I hate it. I'm sorry that I am such a bitch about it and that I want to make fun of people who are just trying to find a way to cope with the sadness in their life.
I guess it's a coping mechanism. A way for someone to get their feelings across.
For the most part, I think people with bipolar disorder are very resilient. They may go through some hard times. But it's so much better now. There's so many ways for a person to get proper treatment. People in the past didn't know about it. So they didn't have a good chance to be treated, especially for the first time.
Even when I read blogs that have a sad topic, they tend to have some positives. Maybe it's just that I can't stand people who are constantly sad.
I have friends who are so sad all the time.
And one of them is even suffering from severe depression.
It breaks my heart to know that one of my friends is sad all the time. I don't know why people can be sad all the time. It's such a waste of a life.
I try not to tell people that they should be happy. Even if you tell them "no" and "you shouldn't feel that way," they're like "you're not helping."
So even though people with bipolar disorder know how to be happy, it's hard to tell other people.
People don't know how to deal with it. Even if they try to be helpful, it's not really helping. There's no use telling people how to live a happy life. They're always looking for what to do to "fix it."
I guess they feel like they have no idea of what to do.
Or maybe they do know, but they're unable to act on it. So they feel stuck.
Sometimes I get overwhelmed by the people I know, and sometimes I don't want to see them.
And then I have to force myself to see them. I don't want to talk to them, but I have to see them.
I do that in the morning before I go to school. I know it's such a bad idea to talk to them. But if I don't talk to them, I have to feel their sadness. I can't be like "oh, don't worry." I can't tell them, "you shouldn't be like that."
I always end up telling them something, and I have to be careful to say something that isn't a huge lie.
I feel like I have to protect them. I feel like I'm lying to them. They trust me. I feel like I have to be fr to them. I feel like it's rude to keep that secret from them.
People tell me, "well, aren't you glad that you have this disorder? You wouldn't be so sad if you didn't have a disorder."
And I feel so awful because of the fact that I know I'm not happy, and I have this thing that is taking my ability to make others happy away.
I feel like the world doesn't know how to help me.
I wish the world would just get over it.
The world doesn't know how to live, it just gives advice.
I guess my disorder is the cause of the world's sadness.
It's like I'm causing their problems.
I know there's a lot of people who have these kinds of disorders that are much worse. I feel like I'm being given a lot of attention by people.
I was at the zoo, and people kept coming up to me and making comments like, "wow, you're so much sadder than I am."
The way that people act, I feel like it's their job to tell me how sad I am, because I'm sad.
I do feel kind of like I should be the one to help people deal with their sadness.
It's like the world is on this weird quest to find out how to make me happy. And I feel like I have no part in the quest.
I wish that my disorder wasn't a huge part of who I am.
If there was a way that people could love me, that it would be completely okay if I didn't have a disorder.
I wish that people would help me.